Oleg Kudrin

Moscow, Russia

I woke up. It was still dark, I answered "nature’s call", and I looked at my watch: 4:15 am. I got into bed and lay on my left side, closed my eyes, and… It felt like something was shining into my eyes. I realized that that was impossible: it was 4:15 am, and I was the only one awake. There was no-one else in the room besides my wife. Meanwhile, the light steadily intensified. I experienced some slight fear, mixed together with curiosity – what would happen next? And then the light became brighter and brighter, I felt I was in danger (M.R.: no separation). But at the same time, an instinct to investigate took the upper hand. I knew that something unusual was happening, but knew that all this was impossible – a bright light of an unknown nature piercing my eyes through closed eyelids! Then, the idea occurred on its own that they were coming to check on me. And after that – I’LL GO ALL THE WAY!

The next moment, I found myself in a small, rectangular room with subdued light. There were ledges along the wall that you could sit on (I figured they were benches). One wall had round portholes of about three feet wide. I looked through them and realized that I was in deep outer-space (M.R.: no deepening and no plan of action). There was an impressive construction outside the room that I was in. What I saw there could not exist in even the most fantastic environments on Earth. It was a lattice construction, but the elements had no logical structure and gave the appearance of a beehive. It seemed to be a dual tube construction of such colossal proportions that the diameter of only one of those tubes could be compared to the diameter of a stadium. Bustling and scurrying around the structure were small spacecraft, which appeared to be doing some kind of work.

"It’s a docking portal" – sounded the answer in my head. I turned around, and in the far corner of the room sat a beautiful young woman dressed completely in Earthling fashion, wearing a skirt and jacket. Strange as it may be, she looked like a famous pop singer, although the similarity was incomplete. This woman was much more interesting than that artist.

I shall formulate the one question dogging me at the time as follows: “What is the emptiness that the Buddhist masters speak of?” I framed that question to the good-looking person in the room with me. For some reason, I didn’t come up with the idea of doing something else… Besides, I’m married. But my question was heard, and the answer followed …

What I then experienced has no parallels in everyday life. Moreover, those feelings cannot be expressed in words – human language simply lacks the ability to communicate such concepts, but I’ll try. It was as if I were turned inside-out. Everything outside of me turned out to be inside of me, including the stars, galaxies, and other worlds – in short, the entire material Universe. And this ALL was collapsed to such small proportions that it all could have fit into the eye of a needle. And I, being outside this material universe, was looking at it simultaneously from all sides, even though I do not have hundreds of millions of eyes. I was one large field encompassing the space around this compressed universe, and able to take it all in at once visually! I myself was endless, I had no boundaries in space or time. All around was stillness, and I myself was this stillness. Contemplating this universe brought the realization that through effort, I could turn into NOTHINGNESS. Next thought – but then there would be nothing to do the contemplating?

Then, I became like a funnel collecting in from the perimeters of my universe, whirling inside it, pulling all in deeper and deeper, until I lay on the bed as I had been after having "answered nature’s call" (M.R.: no re-entering). This vision moved me so much that I already couldn’t sleep, I just wanted to run outside and jump for joy and delight. I wanted to tell everyone about my experience, and simply share it – but I realized I would be taken for a schizophrenic.

And that’s more or less how I lived from that point on, often recalling that vivid experience, and treasuring it in the depths of my soul. I dreamt nearly every day about having a similar experience again – until I discovered the indirect techniques.

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